Men Are Cavemen Sometimes

"Cause when a guy does something stupid once,

well that's because he's a guy. But if he does the same stupid thing twice,

that's usually to impress some girl." - Dr. Seuss

   I've been there. Anyone else? If you're not raising your hand, guys, you're lying. Whether it's to propagate the species, or because Arthur Fonzarelli showed us the way, we've all gotten a bit ahead of ourselves to impress the ladies at one point or another. It's a part of growing up.
   I knew all along that one day, when I had children, I'd have to explain. To my son, I would have to teach not be so nuts around girls. To my daughter, I'd impart why it is that boys can be cavemen. Isn't it true that men are cavemen sometimes? We revert to some sort of mating ritual that consists of punching a girl in the arm and running off. I give you Eddie Izzard's bit on puberty (my reference beings at 4:20)

   As my 7YO 'Lil Miss turns 8 soon, she's developed her first crush on a classmate. It's harmless enough, but she comes home with stories that sound all too familiar. "I said hi to Lucas and he pushed me before running off." Stuff like that is becoming more common, and we have to explain that if you use your decoder ring, it means he might like you. Ugh, we're such cavemen. 

   My worst caveman story was around the 3rd grade. I was in love with Rachel F. and was trying to impress her one day with my skills at a master spitter. I hocked a few good ones at first as we walked in from recess, which were sure to amaze the ladies. The one that was going to secure the affections of my intended love went astray due to an unexpected gust of fall wind. I watched in horror as the trajectory of my spit changed course and landed with great fanfare on the cheek of my angel. She recoiled in abhorrence, crying aloud as her skin burned in revulsion. As her friend cursed the stork that brought me, they walked off to the classroom and I stood alone. A man defeated. I remember thinking, as they shrank away in the distance, "But, I love you...." 

   I was 8, and soon my daughter will be too. She'll have her own cave woman experiences, but I brace myself for the boys she'll encounter. Deep breath.....

J.