Happy To Be A Father And Husband

(photo from http://blog.posterjack.ca)

   "I don't know how you guys can do it. I can't stand having a 

woman in my house for more than 32 hours." - Scumbag Steve Co-Worker

   A new employee used these words at new hire training this past week and it just simply hasn't left me. I've always known that there were guys out there that didn't subscribe to my idea of what steps we take as father's and husbands. Heck, I've seen them in the movies. I just realized this week that I'd never actually met one. It left a nasty taste in my mouth and it's been hard to shake it. I was raised to be a little more sensitive to other peoples choices and feelings. To be called out as a person who has given up so much was a bit hard to understand.
 

   As a member of a dad blog group on Facebook, I see guys from all walks of life, from various backgrounds, who parent in all kinds of different ways, and they ALL are happy with their choice.

 

Disclaimer: I'm still of the thought "to each his/her own", with no disrespect to the single/childless.

 

   Having stated the above, here's my perspective. I was married fairly young, by choice. I had spent all my time since puberty trying to find someone who liked me for who I was, and wanted to reciprocate the love I was willing to give. Marriage was our way of committing to each other and put the needs of the other first, instead of just worrying about the "me". Hearing about my co-worker's "bachelor pad" as he approaches 30, just sounds like all the romantic comedies that never end well for the bachelor staying that way (examples include The Bachelor, Down With Love, Win A Date With Tad Hamilton, and the latest we've seen,  Crazy, Stupid, Love). As a married man, yes, I did see these with my honey. I'll defend myself with the loose connection to research that is needed to prove that at least Hollywood agrees that being a "bachelor for life" never really works out for the selfish and self centered.
 

   As for the children, we waited for 7 years to start our family. The Wife and I wanted to get to know each other, go places, see things, and enjoy each other's company along the way. I can almost pinpoint the month we started to feel that empty portion of our lives, and wanted someone to share it with, pass on the joys of life and all it had to offer. As I sat stunned at my co-workers life mission statement, I had a thought. If having children has taught me to be more selfless and loving, what does living a life of self indulgence and lone-wolfing teach you? Sure, there are plenty of selfless, loving and charitable people who are unmarried and sans child. I'm talking about those who look down their noses as we who have chosen to commit to a significant other and the little ones they've taken into their charge.

   It's one man's opinion, but one who is happy to be a father and husband. I've found kinship with the people at Life of Dad, The Good Men Project, The National Father Initiative, and Playground Dad to name a few. Surround yourself with those who inspire and build, rather than depress and take down. The Cheeky Daddy is here, so count me as a friend. All my best.

J. 



Movie Review - Playing For Keeps

 

Lewis: "Are you upset mom's getting married?"

 George: "Yeah, but Matt seems like a nice guy."

 Lewis: "I've decided I'm not going to call him dad."

- Playing For Keeps

 

   Over the weekend, The Wife and I were looking for a movie to watch before bed. We stumbled across Playing For Keeps on Netflix. Stumbled is the right work, as we'd never heard of it before. It's got Gerard Butler, Jessica Biel, Dennis Quaid, Uma Thurman, Catherine Zeta-Jones, to name a few. I saw that after it's $35m budget, it didn't do so well. Without seeing a trailer we put it on, as it got a good star rating from Netflix viewers.

   Now it should be known, that I love movies. I'm not hard to please, as I'm not looking for a life changing event. I'm just looking for a distraction for 2 hours. I can hear some of my fellow dad's saying "he's a man whore!", and "that's not what it really like!" Uh, who cares. Gerard Butler plays a retired soccer player (football to the rest of the world to us yanks). He's had a kid with Jessica Biel's character and has not been the best father. As he looks for work and reluctantly takes a coaching job for his son's team, there are some relationships that happen to mess things up. Hilarity ensues.

   The Wife and I ended up loving this movie for the message is sent that the interests of a child super cede our own desires. When we decide to bring a child into this world (or make decisions that produce a child), there is responsibility that comes with it. The acting was great and portrayed the story well in my eyes. I'm an emotional guy, and can tear up at a decent Hallmark commercial. This movie was no exception. When I see even an on-screen father, making the decision to be a better dad, I'm moved. I have my own son, and am trying to build my relationship with him every day.

   I played soccer for 10 years growing up, so that theme was not lost on my. Though it was late when the movie ended, I wanted to go kick the ball around with my boy immediately after. I'm not sure I would have ever seen it if it were not on Netflix, but it's worth viewing if anything I've written above interests you. I laughed a bunch of times and LOVED the scene of father and son practicing a little "footie" together in the rain.

   Ole-ole-ole-ole.....

 

J. 

Father / Daughter School Luau

Almost like an exclusive club.

That's a whole 'lotta dads dancing.

 

You know someone is from Hawaii when,....

They are barefoot in most of their elementary school pictures.

 

   This past Friday, my 'Lil Miss had her school's father / daughter luau. When I saw the flyer a month before, I was really excited. It was something fun and special I could do with my sweet little gal, and it was an attempt to bring a bit of the islands to the event. We bought out tickets and counted down the days. I was unsure what to expect, as one of the events planned in the past was cancelled due to poor response. You just can't tell these days.

   So the evening of, I got home from work and we both got all dressed up. I got out my island shirt from vacations past, and she got all dolled up with her flower sun dress and hibiscus flower in her hair. She was bursting with excitement as we left the house. I told her to wait by the door of the car, as I walked up and opened it for her. She asked why I did that and I told her "that's what a gentleman does. He opens the door for a pretty lady." She got an embarrassed look about her with a smile and hopped in.

   We go there and the line to get in rivaled a Disneyland ride. Inside there were a few booths for games, stick-on tattoos, and treats. We got our photo taken together (will post when I received it) and played a few more games, dancing wherever we were to the music. She danced on my feet, arms wrapped around me. Toward the end, we joined the main group to dance the final two songs. A slow song where she requested spins, a few dips, and then holding her in my arms. Then there was the good-bye music we all danced to as the crowd thinned.

   It was a fun time to be sure. It was also amazing to see so many dads there. We were all in various levels of comfort. Some guys looked like a deer in headlights, others like a possum playing dead. There were the few of us that were in our element, making sure our daughters had a great time. No matter the level of enthusiasm, we were all there for our girls. That's what mattered and I heard veterans of the event referencing years past. It's nice to know they're setting a tradition. Sign me up for next year, and ALOOOOOOOO-HA!!!

J.