No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Reviews of The Wife's post on my Tartar mix up:

"Bahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!" - C.D.
                       "Ahhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha!" - B.K.
       "HAHAHHAHA.........." - M.B.      
                                                                 "I'm still LOL!!!!!!!!!!" - G.V. 
                 "LMAO" - C.S.

   Okay, so here's my version. The Wife makes some amazing baked goods. Her holiday treats are truly like "eating Christmas". So when I'm asked to make a run to the market, at any hour, that may result in becoming a recipient of such baked goods, I'm all in. I try to keep up on what's used in the kitchen, and I've been included in enough excursions that I feel like I know my way around a grocery store. All of that experience amounted to precisely nothing recently, when I was asked to head over to our local grocer and pick up some Cream of Tartar for one of The Wife's latest baked creation. 

   I headed over and started to walk the isles I thought would be most likely to carry the one item I was there for. I spotted one of my favorite clerks, and asked him inquisitively, "Where might I find the Tartar Sauce?" He nodded and took me over to the sauce isle and showed me that while the store brand was out of stock, he had good news. There was a refrigerated version that was bigger, cheaper, and of a higher quality. With great pride in my find, I thanked him, made my purchase, and headed home. I lovingly placed it in our fridge at home and went about my business. The evening of the baking event, I heard The Wife's voice come from behind the refrigerator door, saying, "Awe, my mom left her ranch in here,......wait.....what's this?" I told her it was the Tartar Sauce she had tasked me with purchasing, beaming with pride as I informed her it was even BETTER than the generic crap I might have bought had I not consulted my network of grocery insiders.
 
   There was a pause, and then her look of question turned slowly to a look of pity. I heard a soft , yet audible, "Awwweeee." I asked what was the matter and she quietly said, "I asked for Cream of Tartar, .........this is Tartar Sauce." I sat at the couch blankly. "................so?", I replied. I was informed that they were two different things, and felt the heat on my neck building. No man enjoys being wrong, and I'm no different. She chose another treat for the evening to make and life, somehow went on.

   The event was immortalized in a FB post about sending hubby to the store and I was first angry, then hurt, then as the comments rolled in realized that I'm not alone. I'll never be alone. As long as there is a husband out there willing to head out at any hour to assist in the creation of baked bliss, I shall never find myself alone when confidently grabbing the completely wrong item off the shelf. Gentlemen, we must unite and be proud of our incorrect purchases. Women,......we have a short list of some things we'd like you to pick up from the hardware store. (wink!)

J. 

The Lawnmower Killer - Local Legends & Scary Stories

“What can be done when you’re eleven can often never be done again.” ― Stephen King, It 

   I been recently seeing a call for scary stories from different sites and forums as we head into the part of October. With Halloween right around the corner, one caught my eye calling for scary local legends or stories that were "supposedly true". I read a few here and there and several of them were true, while the balance were straight nonsense meant to scare the pants of the unsuspecting. It got me to thinking about one I heard as a kid. Here's my tale, to be read late at night, with the lights turned off.

The Lawnmower Killer

 

   Where I grew up, our elementary school was newer, and backed a creek that had everything a young mind could want. Fresh ponds to catch tadpoles in. Crayfish crawling up the cement drain that was always pouring water coming down from the surrounding hills. The banks of the creek had just enough room for young feet to explore the dim foliage darkened by the large thick tree covering above.  I had never ventured very far into the small gorge, as there was a legend told. The older kids would whisper of a terrible tale that took place in toward the back of the small creek, deep past the twists and turns of the trickling waters. It was said that some time before us, a boy was murdered somewhere along the waters edge, back beyond the sight of the public eye, by the "lawnmower killer". Aside from the legend was the famed proof. Eye witnesses said there was both the weapon AND the boy's shoe embedded in the banks of the creek, for all to see, with blood still dripping from the shoe. We were told if you dared to walk far enough back, you would see a lawnmower missing a blade, and the shoe of the fallen boy.

   Imaginations ran wild and the younger of us reeled at the thought of an unsafe corner our little world on school grounds might hold. While none of us wanted to believe it, the dares began to surface. The brave were called out and proven to be cowards. The silent ones were challenged to rise to the occasion and become legends. A friend and I were terrified, but decided one day that we would make a pact and prove once and for all if the rumors were true. Within a day or two, we arranged to play after school and found ourselves at the mouth of the mini canyon. After a brief pause we began to hike back into the overgrowth. It began to feel like the canopy of the Amazon, and after a few bends of the creek, we both stopped. There, across the shallow waters, was the proof we had been hearing about for weeks. Poking halfway out of the dirt embankment was a push lawnmower,.....with a blade missing. We stared for what seemed like an hour. One of us whispered about the shoe, and our eyes scanned the rest of the small shores. About fifteen yards further up was the shoe. Half buried in the side of the eroding hill. Just below the shoe was a rusty red stream, slowly making its way down the dirt toward the water's edge. We were horrified, for a few minutes. Then we slowly convinced ourselves the "blood" was just reddish colored mud, the shoe was just trash, and so was the lawnmower. We made our way back to the edge of the field that hugged the creek's opening. That was the last time we went that far back into that creek, and the last time we ever talked about the lawnmower killer.

 

Happy Halloween.

 

J. 

Children and Emotions

"Both a little scared,
     Neither one prepared,
       Beauty and the Beast."
  - Beauty and the Beast

     So the other night, The Wife comes downstairs and gets a smile on her face. She tells me that she's putting our 'Lil Miss to bed, who is finishing a Disney Beauty and the Beast book. She's on one page in particular and The Wife goes over to sit on the bed. 

'Lil Miss says, "This is my favorite part." (pictured above). 

The Wife asked, "Why is it your favorite?"

'Lil Miss goes red, pauses with an embarrassed grin, and quietly says, "Because it's,.........romantic."

   The Wife doesn't want her to be embarrassed, so she simply agrees that "yeah, it IS romantic." In that time, we see the beginnings of those emotions. We've noticed the slight change over the past year or two, and keep an eye out. It's mostly so we can be there for her as she navigates life. We want to be there if she has questions or is confused. We understand she'll be exposed to different things, and it's our job to help steer her. Given the television content we've seen aimed at tweens, I'm terrified that she'll believe our current media's notion that all teenage girls sleep around. 

   So it continues to be our diligent job to teach, encourage, and be there for our children. Enjoy their innocence while it lasts. For the time will come when life isn't just a fairytale, and everything problem isn't solved with true loves kiss. If only. 

J. 

Poems and Stories For Children

"You may have tangible wealth untold 

Caskets of jewels and coffers of gold. 

Richer than I you can never be. 

I had a Mother who read to me." 
- Strickland Gillilan

   I love to write poems and short stories. As our children grow, so do their tastes in reading material. We've graduated from the Touch and Feel books by DK Publishing. Currently, we're split between our 7 year old 'Lil Miss and 3 year old 'Lil Man. These days, as parents, we're always on the lookout for new stories and poems for our children. 

   I think the first point to be made is we all could be reading to our children more. At the end of a long day, it can be the last thing you want to do. The benefits have been proven, as listed on the Early Moments website. Those reason speak for themselves. My key reasons are to build a better bond with my children and get them excited about reading for all the residual reasons.
   My brother reads 10-12 simple book to his young kids each night. I'm not that ambitious, but it is admirable. His trick to keep them interested was to rotate the short stories in their collection. He hits the local Goodwill Industries store. They usually have deals on books and he comes home with a new stack every so often. He'll keep the family favorites, as kids enjoy repetition of their favorite stories as well as a new ones.
   My 'Lil Miss has taken a shining to the legendary Shel Silverstein books that are a compilation of poems. The rhymes are fun for her to read out loud, and each poem's topic is funnier and more goofy than the last. They've been fun as the books themselves are from when The Wife and I were kids ourselves. We switch between Where The Sidewalk Ends and Light In The Attic, when we're not reading other short stories.
   As for our 'Lil Man, his recent love is for Puff The Magic Dragon. He likes the story, rhyming, and the song (which we sing often). Beyond that, he seems to really enjoy the old spoken word stories like Jack and the Beanstalk, etc.
   To whatever flavor your children enjoy, make the effort and get 'er done. You will appreciate the time and so will they. You will also appreciate the advance in their speech, comprehension, etc. Happy reading!

J.

Short Stories For Short People

     Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. ~Groucho Marx

     We spent an evening at Barnes & Noble, and besides the child wrangling event that it was, we had a good time. My five year old LOVES the Kid's Nook that they have at each store, usually spending ALL of her time there with a stack of books next to her. There is a new app on iTunes for the iPad by Barnes & Noble Kids called Nook for Kids holding one of the largest collections of ebooks for kids.

     Our kids favorites around the 6-18 month range are the Touch and Feel books. They have an excellent blend of engaging images and interesting textures for the kids to mess with. My son (1 year old as of this post) is near impossible to keep still. He's a statue when we pull these books out.
     My 5 year old girl has a number of short story favorites. Below are our top 5 right now:

Olivia (series by Ian Falconer)
Fancy Nancy (series by Jane O'Conner and Robin Preiss Glasser)
Disney Step Into Reading (series 1 mostly by Random House Disney)
Do Princesses... (series by Carmela LaVigna Coyle)
My Little Pony: I Can Read (series 1 by various authors)

     So get on down to the book store, keep an eye on those kids, and pick out some good ones. We've established story time at night with our daughter (son to follow), and she threatens revolution when we don't deliver. I hear that establishing reading habits now with your kids will increase their love of books and reading later. Have fun!

J.