Fathers - On The Shoulders Of Giants

(pic via reddit.com reddit.com)

"On my dad’s shoulders the world is so small, I am a giant 100 feet tall" - Les Julian

   The above pic cracked me up. Though I never fell asleep on my father's shoulders, I certainly spent my fair share of time up there. I even water skied on my old man's shoulders one year. There is an exhilaration felt at that height. You can see further, feel mightier, and save your legs on a long day at the theme park. 

   We as fathers have a lot to bear on our shoulders. We're charged with being the other half to an equation that will shape and mold our young ones. Puts the pressure on, doesn't it? Sometimes my shoulders ache from holding my wee ones while we're out. Yet, I find that even when I don't feel like I can last another minute, I carry on and never want to let go. I don't know any father that doesn't want to be a hero to their child, and I am no different. Sitting on our shoulders can give them pride and confidence that doesn't exist on the ground level. So even when I'm zapped from a long day, carrying the extra burden of my son or daughter is well worth the "weight". If we don't have time for that, what do we have time for? 

   My step-father is another great example of a guy who will give a free ride to whomever asks that is under the age of 5-6 years or so. He's always demonstrated that there will always be time for little ones. As he breezes through his 60's, he's still cutting it up with my children, which reminds me to make the time and set an example. The guys over at Fatherhood.org had a great piece you can read on Building A Better Dad - Should We Start Earlier? This starts on the metaphorical "shoulders of dad". Our wives and mothers bear so much of the weight, I know we can all participate to carry our own portion. Let us set the example and impart the knowledge we've gained from either our own excellent father figures, or the knowledge we've learned along the way. 

Here's to you dads. 

J. 

Don't miss some additional posts on this topic. Like: 

Fatherhood - Breaking The Cycle of Bad

When There's Big Shoes To Fill

A Father's Love

Guest Posting on Scott Behson's Fathers, Work and Family Blog

The Cheeky Daddy

AND

Fathers, Work and Family

"I love it when a plan comes together." - Hannibal, The A-Team

   A little while ago, I did a post titled Work Life - Traveling Dad, where I talked about how the family stays connected when the working fathers (and mothers,...don't want to forget you ladies) off on a business trip. I gave some ideas on how to stay connect with your kids and significant other when gone. I was fortunate to sync up with dad blogger Scott Behson and his blog Fathers, Work and Family, a great place to hear more about balancing work/family and trying to make the workplace more supportive for parents.

   We collaborated a bit and I did a guest post on his blog, sharing some additional ideas around the same topic. I've seen some fun collaborations in the recent past, but this one took a fun turn and continued on. It seems that most guest posts end with the final salutation. Comments are then added and the post occasionally referred to. I was pleasantly surprised when we connected again, as Scott had taken it a step further and then documented it in a follow-up post .

   He does fun memes for his boy. It's fun, unique, and a special insider thing between him and is son. I've seen people take a child's toy or some sort and send pics of the character/toy in action throughout the time they are gone. I think there's a commercial with a stuffed monkey like that. The point is to try. Try something obvious. Try something new and unique to you. Just try.

   Thanks again to Scott Behson of Fathers, Work and Family for a fun collaboration. It was a lot of fun seeing one post blossom into another. Good luck out there traveling work parents!

J.

When Fathers Dress Their Children

 

"The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard." - Steven Wright

 

   How is that we guys can roll out of bed, throw on yesterday's clothes in seconds, and be out the door in no time, yet at times we can't figure out which end is up with our kid's clothes? Sometimes if feels like I'm trying to figure out a Rubik's Cube, or at least like The Riddler is having a good laugh at my expense.
 

   Story time! When my father had a daughter later in life, he was pretty proud to bounce her on his knee and carry her around. His responsibilities were limited, as he admitted of himself, "I'm not really sure what to do with little ones." One visit to his place in the early months proved him right. The Wife and I were looking at my baby half-sister when I heard a giggle from my better half. I didn't notice anything, but remember, I'm a guy. If the nudity is covered, we're good, right? NOPE. The little wee one's shirt was on inside-out, backwards, with the tag up 'n out tickling her throat. When my dad asked "What's so funny?", The Wife could barely get the words out for the laughter. I was holding back my own laughter to protect my fellow man, but also 'cuz my father gets embarrassed and pissed off pretty quick. When he realized what he'd done, I saw his jaw muscles tense before he tried to calmly fixed the error.
 

   I know we've all done something similar, especially if we're not the primary care giver. The Wife never seems to make that mistake and my fellow dads that have the honor of being a stay-home probably have fewer issues than I do, I'm sure. No doubt, the less experienced were kept in mind when the "this end up" onesie was offered on CafePress.com. I think it prudent that when fathers dress their children, they shouldn't be watching the big game, reading their favorite magazine, or having an in depth conversation with anyone. Else they be subject to the mock and scorn of our counterparts. I for one will follow the "Measure twice, cut once" man code when I try to dress my kids. Smaller room for error, so they say.

J.

When Daddy Comes Home

"It is a wise father that knows his own child." - William Shakespeare

   It's the best feeling to come home to a round of "DADDY'S HOME!!!" For just a minute I'm a rock star. I get all the attention, hugs, and loves I want. In fact, as I approach the door, I anticipate the reaction of walking on stage for my moment in the spotlight. Will I surprise the audience, or will it be stepping out to a welcome crowd? Sometimes after a long drive home, I don't think about how we got to where we are. Other times I realize that there's a reason they go CRAZY for daddy!

   Even with my own father's distant nature, I remember looking forward to him coming home. He'd occasionally bring home a rare treat that we'd never seen before. He sometimes bring home a fun trinket  or unused tool of some sort for us boys to play with. For the most part, it was just the anticipation that he might, for once, and for a limited time only, play with us. He worked into the dinner hours and sometimes just made it to tuck us into bed. We still waited for him to come home though, and we waited every night. 

   I think we need to remember our audience has been waiting by the stage all day for us. Think of how we feel when Axl Rose doesn't come on for an additional three hours. You really want that kind of riot in your place? Nah, let's give them the show they want, and the one they deserve. Let's bring home the occasional treat, trinket, 'n such. Let's take a few minutes to ask how their day was, tell them how much we missed them, and maybe even spend a few minutes wrestling on the ground with the littler ones. 

I leave you with the words of a children's song we used to sing to my father when I was young. 

I'm so glad when daddy comes home,
Glad as I can be;
Clap my hands and shout for joy,
Then climb upon his knee,
Put my arms around his neck,
Hug him tight like this,
Pat his cheeks, then give him what?
A great big kiss.

Go get 'em dads. 

J. 

Fatherhood - Breaking The Cycle Of Bad

Dearth Vader - "I am your father."

Luke - "NNNNNNOOOO!!!!!" - 

The Empire Strikes Back

   With my own past experience to draw from, a big fear of mine is for my children to react the way Luke did to his father. "Nooooo!!!!" Context aside, the point is the same. I don't want my children to be ashamed of me, afraid, timid, shy, or anything else that results from bad parenting. Now, I don't mean letting them stay up too late, or eat too many sweets before dinner. I'm talking about the meat of being a father. Most of us can be the iron fist, pretty easy. Hell, I picked up that one from my old man without even trying. I'm looking for that thing I remember feeling when hearing "Daddy's Hands" by Holly Dunn that goes:

Daddy's hands were soft and kind when I was cryin´. 

Daddy´s hands, were hard as steel when I´d done wrong. 

Daddy´s hands, weren´t always gentle But I´ve come to understand. 

There was always love in Daddy´s hands.

   After a less than stellar father moment this morning, I realize how much I need to work on the "soft and kind" bit. The point was rammed home last week when I had some holiday time with my 'Lil Miss. As I was going the extra mile on her little art project she says, "You sure are being nice to me today!" Even now, the word "nice" rings in my ears, like some accusation. I'd like that to be the norm.  I know that my brothers and I have truly broken the cycle of bad fatherhood, though it doesn't come easy. I called my old man once years ago and asked what he was up to. He told me he had just given my half sister a bath and was brushing her hair. I let an awkward pause happen, then said, "You never brushed MY hair dad..." He exclaimed, "You were boys! I didn't know what to do with you guys!" THAT'S the cycle we're breaking. It's a conscious effort to try. We make daily decisions to not shrug off a game of Go Fish, ask about a day at school, talk about the things they see everyday, and so on. 
   Some previous thoughts I've had are at my post A Father's Love. It all applies. Say "I love you more." Take more time with each child. Curb the things you didn't like your father (step-father, father figure, father time, etc.) saying and doing.
   Keep up the fight. Fatherhood is a brotherhood. We're all in this together.

J.

Creating Memories Through Old Traditions

 

 



"Nothing I've ever done has given me more joys

and rewards than being a father to my children." - Bill Cosby

 

   While my father admitted to me that he had a hard time relating to us four small boys, he did try to do things along the way that showed he cared. One of my favorite memories was when he needed to shave off his full beard at one point in his life. To mark the occasion, he set up the camera and then took pictures with us boys, ALL of us making funny or though faces throughout the ENTIRE process. We went through lamb chops, fun-manchu, handle bars, full mustache, the Hitler, all until he was clean-shaven.

 

   While I only carry a goatee style beard, I do have some fun when I'm in need of a trim. The above pic is my last round with the kids. They think the process is fun, and the pics are funnier. When all is done, they look at me with curious eyes and ask, "When are you going to grow your beard back?" Our Wee Lass can't figure it out at all. The Wife always averts eye contact, claiming she can't be seen kissing a 13 year old boy.

 

   Work on your traditions you might be able to share and pass on to your children. While we only did the shaving pics with my old man a few times, it's one of my clearest and best memories with him. Have fun!

 

J.

 

...and for your reference...