When I Got Caught Shoplifting



“I left my money somewhere, probably in your wallet. Let me check.
” - Jarod Kintz, 

   When I was twelve, I was at the local grocer with a friend, looking through the candy isle. I had my eye on the row of Jelly Bellies, and I wasn't leaving without a nice bag full of the sweet goodness. Money? Pfffttt,.....no, I didn't have the money for it. I was wearing an over sized army surplus jacked with some BIG pockets. I looked left and right, slipped the large bag of my score into the jacket pocket, and made my way out of the store. A young associate jogged up behind me and politely asked me to empty my pockets. I was busted, had to call my mom, and later explain to her and my father just what the heck I was thinking. I did community service, and didn't go back to the store for months out of shame.

   The topic of our children's future came up recently in a conversation with The Wife. A teenager in the family had been caught in an untruth regarding his evening whereabouts and it got us thinking about the personalities of our little ones. It was agreed that my 8YO is a terrible liar, but our 4YO might be a problem. While the eldest is sweet and kind, honest and innocent, our second child can fall outside of that. So we discuss how we can keep them on a path that doesn't land them in community service.

   When I was caught, my father had later asked me why I didn't just ASK for the money, since we most certainly had it. After a few shrugs and "I dunno", it came out that I'd grabbed some smaller items and was never caught. The items got bigger until my hand was "caught in the cookie jar". I knew stealing was bad, but tried it a few times and didn't look back. So what changed? I realized we didn't talk about a lot of topics when I was young. The Wife and I are trying to bring up a lot more than we remember hearing about. The world seems smaller and more intense than I remember it, and I think a lot of parents agree with that, no matter the age. So it is our charge to talk more to our children. Not just about stealing, but about everything. Talk and talk a lot, about a lot of things. When we open the lines of communication, great things can happen. Let us all just try.

J.

Sportsmanship Is Dead

"One man practicing sportsmanship is far better than a hundred teaching it." - Knute Rockne
VS
"There is no such thing as sportsmanship." - Terrell Davis

   I stumbled across an article on Yahoo! Sports about a ban on post game handshakes. I nearly thought it was April Fools with how odd is sounded. Granted the story is just in Kentucky, but I had to read on to see what else it might say. In the long tradition of shock headlines, it would appear that the ban was to exempt the school district from any liability. It's more for when (not if) things get heated in the post game tradition of hand shaking. While most teams say they will continue the tradition anyway, the statement has been made, and you can't take it back.
   During a time when The Wife and I are trying to teach our children good sportsmanship, I'm rather shocked and a little disappointed that anyone would even consider proposing a ban on anything that is meant to foster goodwill. I think we've all seen a few YouTube videos that demonstrate that there are plenty of "bad apples" out there that will, and have, spoiled the bunch. The highs school I went to allowed people to mill around the track while they watched Friday night football games until our team got ganged up on by the crowd after one particular play. Now there's a chain link fence surrounding most of the field, making it look like gladiator games or Thunderdome.
   I recall reading a few of the comments and one in particular stood out. A woman stated, "Instead of punishing all the players, why not penalize those who are not mature enough to handle good sportsmanship?" I agree. I'm tired of a VERY small group dictating how the masses are treated. I've noticed as of late that my grandfather's quote is correct. "The squeaky wheel gets the grease." Those who complain are speaking the loudest. Since I've realized that, it's been a goal of mine to be a louder voice for the positive. If all we hear is the negative and nothing but complaining, there will be nothing for our children to participate in. Let's do more to support positive programs, traditions, events, and the like.
   So, given the two quotes above, which one will you be? I recommend we try to be the first. Shake on it?

J.

Swim Lessons and Our Children's Fears

"We have nothing to fear but, AHHHHH!!!! What the heck was that?" - Sort of John F. Kennedy

   I grew up with a pool in our back yard. I can remember our swim lessons given, one brother at at time. Our back stroke technique sounded something like "farmer John, airplane, torpedo, glide." After the fear of swimming is gone and confidence is in abundance, it's sunny days from there on out. However, right now, we have our oldest two little ones in lessons. They've graduated from paddle boards and hand holding. As you can see from the picture above, they've quite literally been "thrown into the deep end."

   The fear of sinking is heavy in our household as of late. I can remember the overwhelming void of the deep end when I was young. As parents we can provide all the support and encouragement possible, but what pushes them in mentally in the end? I feel that it's partly their trust in us as their mother, father, or both. Have we earned that trust to be cashed in for bravery in times like swim lessons? I also believe it's their confidence in themselves. Some of it is innate, but I think there is a lot to be said for how we raise our little ones. Do we build them up with positive reinforcement? This kind of support will give them the confidence to try new things like swimming, public speaking, school performances, etc. 

   I have daydreams of pool parties, lake trips, perhaps a water polo player, and the like. Mostly, I just want my children to have fun in the pool and have a safe time while there.  The endless hours I spent in the pool as a child can be the same endless hours for my children very soon. The Wife and I try to compliment their bravery and hard work at practicing. They love to do well and want to get better, that much is evident. I suppose like anything else they will try, success comes through various channels. Attend to them all as well as you can, and hopefully there will be a lot of enjoyment along the way. 

   I leave you with a pic of my swim lessons (at around 7 years old, like my 'Lil Miss right now). I showed my two new swimmers in hopes they would see that I was learning at one point also. What I got was, "Why does your face look like that?" and, "Why are you so red?" I like how they focus on the obvious and skirt the real issues. In the end, it's another rite of passage and we all need to face the same obstacles. Swimming is just the tip of the iceberg my little ones. Here's to a lifetime of brave moments. 

Happy swimming!

J. 

Fathers - On The Shoulders Of Giants

(pic via reddit.com reddit.com)

"On my dad’s shoulders the world is so small, I am a giant 100 feet tall" - Les Julian

   The above pic cracked me up. Though I never fell asleep on my father's shoulders, I certainly spent my fair share of time up there. I even water skied on my old man's shoulders one year. There is an exhilaration felt at that height. You can see further, feel mightier, and save your legs on a long day at the theme park. 

   We as fathers have a lot to bear on our shoulders. We're charged with being the other half to an equation that will shape and mold our young ones. Puts the pressure on, doesn't it? Sometimes my shoulders ache from holding my wee ones while we're out. Yet, I find that even when I don't feel like I can last another minute, I carry on and never want to let go. I don't know any father that doesn't want to be a hero to their child, and I am no different. Sitting on our shoulders can give them pride and confidence that doesn't exist on the ground level. So even when I'm zapped from a long day, carrying the extra burden of my son or daughter is well worth the "weight". If we don't have time for that, what do we have time for? 

   My step-father is another great example of a guy who will give a free ride to whomever asks that is under the age of 5-6 years or so. He's always demonstrated that there will always be time for little ones. As he breezes through his 60's, he's still cutting it up with my children, which reminds me to make the time and set an example. The guys over at Fatherhood.org had a great piece you can read on Building A Better Dad - Should We Start Earlier? This starts on the metaphorical "shoulders of dad". Our wives and mothers bear so much of the weight, I know we can all participate to carry our own portion. Let us set the example and impart the knowledge we've gained from either our own excellent father figures, or the knowledge we've learned along the way. 

Here's to you dads. 

J. 

Don't miss some additional posts on this topic. Like: 

Fatherhood - Breaking The Cycle of Bad

When There's Big Shoes To Fill

A Father's Love

My Child Just Used The Word Popular

"Avoid popularity if you would have peace." - Abraham Lincoln

   In the last 24 hours, both The Wife and I have heard our 'Lil Miss use the word "popular" for the first time. We know that she's 7, and innocence cannot last forever, but this felt like the first step in that direction. I'm aware that this is the tip of the giant iceberg of lost innocence. I thought it relevant to discuss this one specifically. 

   Until now, my 'Lil Miss has been quite happy with playing with whomever was interested in joining her. In the neighborhood and the park, it never mattered if you were a boy or girl, black or white, tall or short, or so on. Play was play, for playing sake. I only really saw a problem after her play friends had to leave or go back inside for dinner. It's an innocence to the parts of society that The Wife and I hoped would last forever, but could never do so. We all face the social aspect of our society, and we all grow up through those experiences. Is it bad that I have anxiety about my children facing it?
   My 'Lil Miss, who's only worry has been "Will there be someone to play with?", is now worrying if she's popular enough to be played with. The Wife took her to school a few days back and said go play with so-n-so on the playground. 'Lil Miss replied with a slightly sad voice, "She usually already has someone to play with because she's so popular." This is NOT a phrase I wanted to hear this early. It feels like we've come so far with how we treat each other as people, yet have so far to go. There's so much that is out of our control as parents. I can teach my child to include others, share, be nice, and so on. Yet I send her to school and she comes home with new phrases, tattling, back talk, and so forth. It's enough to want to home school.
   Yet, it's a rite of passage. The only way to build callouses is to go through the initial hard work discomfort and pain. It's just that sometimes I'm not a fan of the result of this process. I've known a few individuals that are not as pleasant to be around as adults compared to how they were as youth. The world is a difficult place to live. I don't want to overprotect, as that would not prepare my children for life. I also don't want them to be overexposed, as that can harden a person to the point of cynicism and such. We as parents in our home try to keep communication lines open, and stay involved with the lives of our little ones. It's all I can do for now.
   What are your thoughts about the bridges our children cross? How do you deal with it?

J.