The Annoying Sibling Syndrome

 

"Mock,...Yea-ah,...Ing,...Yea-ah,...BIIIIRD!!!...Yea-ah,...YEA,...Yea-ah..."

- Lloyed and Harry, Dumb and Dumber

   The day previous to this post, The Wife looked back and saw our 5YO son reenacting the above scene sitting next to our 2YO daughter. She told him to knock it off, and in a frustrated voice muttered, "Geez,....Lloyd." I busted up laughing since I also noticed our poor wee girl had the same look on her face as the guy in the middle. 

   In a long line of annoying siblings, our boy can be the leader of the pack. While he is sweet, loving, tender, caring, and a snuggle-bug,....is also a button pusher and bluff caller. Once he's in the car, there's an invisible timer to see how fast he can get me to blow up like the guy from Dumb and Dumber. It can be mind-numbingly irritating, but then, wasn't I a young boy once?

   This is the key point. Our pediatrician once said that our boy is "very bright, and with that, he needs engagement or he will get bored." So the challenge is to be "creative in a really interesting way..." (Dr. Oatman, Gross Pointe Blank). Sure, we can plan outings, excursions, invasions, etc., but what does one do in the car? I'm not a fan of putting a movie on EVERY time we enter the vehicle. That can spiral out of control. The flip side of that is Lloyd singing Mockingbird in my daughters face.

   So the challenge continues. Any thoughts are welcome. Suggestions will be considered. Patience will continue to be tested. In the meantime, here's the most annoying sound in the world.

J.

Keeping Promises With Your Children

"Magic trick: to make people disappear, ask them to fulfill their promises." - Mason Cooley

   A promise is something that seems to its meaning over time. When we're young it floats between a method to get 15 more minutes of play time all the way to the unbreakable bond between child and a friend or parent.

   As a young boy, I questioned the strength of a promise when my parents divorced. Not understanding what divorce really meant, I can recall the fragility of any promise thereafter. I figured if the family wasn't the promise of a bond that lasted, then what was? My buddy promising we'd double date to prom was an unstable prospect, and I had a hard time finding faith in a promise from that point on.

   Fast forward to becoming a father and the definition ebbs and flows again. "I promise we can do it tomorrow" can seem hollow when a parent is just hoping the subject will be forgotten by the next day. Soon, in the blink of an eye, our little ones are calling us out on our promises and we as parents are left caught in a broken bond by our biological constituents.

   A recent promise was made to our 'Lil Miss that we would dress up her bed corner. Shadow boxes, cork board, and artwork were all included in a promise that we would put it all up. It was promised "tomorrow" for three days, until our sweet little one called us out on it, reminded us that we'd promised it for several times. The feeling between us parents was that we needed to keep the simple promises if we hopes she would trust the complex ones. It is also a lesson so that we can trust hers. So we took the time to get her little corner all set up, and the result was well worth the work. She was beaming and wanted to invite all her friends over to see it.

   It was a reminder that we're only as good as our word. While circumstances can change, I believe we need to be more careful when we're promising things to our little ones. They hold us to it and I'm trying to be true to my word more these days.

J.

When I Got Caught Shoplifting



“I left my money somewhere, probably in your wallet. Let me check.
” - Jarod Kintz, 

   When I was twelve, I was at the local grocer with a friend, looking through the candy isle. I had my eye on the row of Jelly Bellies, and I wasn't leaving without a nice bag full of the sweet goodness. Money? Pfffttt,.....no, I didn't have the money for it. I was wearing an over sized army surplus jacked with some BIG pockets. I looked left and right, slipped the large bag of my score into the jacket pocket, and made my way out of the store. A young associate jogged up behind me and politely asked me to empty my pockets. I was busted, had to call my mom, and later explain to her and my father just what the heck I was thinking. I did community service, and didn't go back to the store for months out of shame.

   The topic of our children's future came up recently in a conversation with The Wife. A teenager in the family had been caught in an untruth regarding his evening whereabouts and it got us thinking about the personalities of our little ones. It was agreed that my 8YO is a terrible liar, but our 4YO might be a problem. While the eldest is sweet and kind, honest and innocent, our second child can fall outside of that. So we discuss how we can keep them on a path that doesn't land them in community service.

   When I was caught, my father had later asked me why I didn't just ASK for the money, since we most certainly had it. After a few shrugs and "I dunno", it came out that I'd grabbed some smaller items and was never caught. The items got bigger until my hand was "caught in the cookie jar". I knew stealing was bad, but tried it a few times and didn't look back. So what changed? I realized we didn't talk about a lot of topics when I was young. The Wife and I are trying to bring up a lot more than we remember hearing about. The world seems smaller and more intense than I remember it, and I think a lot of parents agree with that, no matter the age. So it is our charge to talk more to our children. Not just about stealing, but about everything. Talk and talk a lot, about a lot of things. When we open the lines of communication, great things can happen. Let us all just try.

J.

When Children Find Their Courage

 

"Courage is being scared to death... and saddling up anyway." - John Wayne

 

   We gave our 'Lil Miss earrings for Christmas just two months ago. She'd walked past the booth at the mall for months before, daring herself to get her ears pierced. Her ears were still soft and sweet, as we never got them done in her first year the way many people choose to. In the past year or two, she's asked more about it. When we gave her a cute set of colorful ear bling to get her started, there was no turning back.

 

   Our children are a perfect blend of their parents. The Cheeky Daddy is soft and emotional, while The Cheeky Mommy is determined and a go getter. So yesterday, walking past the booth yet again, she stopped her mother and said, "I want to get my ears done,.....today." After a quick chat, it was clear, she'd found her courage. She knew she was scared, and did it anyway. I got the image while working, and my heart swelled at the thought of my 'Lil Miss facing a dragon. I mean, to an 8 year old, that kind of impending pain is a massive, green scaled, fire-breathing, sharp horned, razor-clawed dragon, isn't it?

 

   As parents, we've been trying to help our children find their courage. "Don't be afraid to catch the baseball!", has been changed for my son to, "Be brave and keep trying!" It's working for sure, as my sweet young woman couldn't stop talking about how afraid she was before, during, and after the whole event. Yet, she found her courage, and I can't wait to see where that takes her.

 

J. 

When The Daddy Duck Says Quack Quack Quack

 



"Five little ducks went out to play, over the hills and far away.

When the daddy duck says quack quack quack, four little ducks came running back."

- childhood song

 

   When I was a kid, the song above was a favorite. The tune was soothing and the buildup was fun. At the end, when no ducks go out to play, and the daddy duck says, "quack, Quack, QUACK!!!",...all of the ducks come running back. I've passed this tune onto my older two, and it's especially a favorite of my 'Lil Man. He too likes the tune, knows the words, and loves the buildup to the end line. There's little hand motions that can go along with it, making it even more fun.

 

  The tune came to life recently when I realized something while we were all out front. I make sure in these early years that the kids don't play out front without The Cheeky Daddy or Mommy around. Even with supervision, the kids can stray to far. When I see that they've left the safe zone (whatever that is for the day), I whistle loudly with my fingers. It's a short piercing sound that my older two have gotten used to. So when I whistle, just once, they come running back. In the past several weeks, I found myself humming the song in my head or out loud. "When the daddy duck says quack, Quack, QUACK!!! All of the ducks come running back!"

 

   Their response is limited within the walls of the house, but some reason, I only have to "ask" once when outside. It's tells me that they can and will listen. It also tells me that I will always be protective of my little ones, even when they're not so little. Are you a mommy or daddy duck?

 

J. 

Keeping Up With Baby

"I feel the need. The need for speed." - Mavrick, Top Gun

   I'm tired, guys. We as parents spend so much time getting excited for our wee ones to start walking, that we forget how much work it really is to deal with them once they've started walking! Our Wee Lass started walking about a month ago and she hasn't stopped since. There is also her fascination with the garbage, so when she's grabbed any number of discarded trash pieces, catching her is like wrangling cats. It's certainly added a layer of stress, but we wanted this, right? 

   There are certainly some difficulties that come with your toddler starting to walk. Every ledge and corner becomes a death trap. Since newly walking toddler all look like they are drunk, EVERY side of them is destined for some kind of infant fender bender. We watch for corners, surfaces that can pinch, toy land mines left on the floor, unattended stairs, and so on, and so on. With an 8YO and 4YO, there is plenty left within reach of "the runner". I mean, when we watched The Croods as a family, the older two immediately adopted the phrase "Release the baby!"

   So given that it was inevitable, and each phase only lasts so long, I thought a quick post recording this point in time was relevant. I wish you all in the same situation my best. Remember, it's a marathon, not a sprint. Though, sometimes you WILL be sprinting. Just remember to stay hydrated. 

J. 

Letting Your Children Go

"Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go." - Hermann Hesse

   Today marks the farthest our 'Lil Miss has travelled away from us. The Wife and I are a ball of nerves and pride all at the same time. She's been with a friend's family before, almost as far, but it was easier on us knowing she was getting one on one care. Today she's with her 2nd grade class, and three other 2nd grade classes, headed off to the San Diego Safari Park. Google that thing, and you'll see how big it is. 

   Letting your children go is a tricky business. I saw a quote by British physician and writer Havelock Ellis who said, "All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on." Isn't that the truth. I remember sending my little girl off to preschool for the first time. The Wife and I were both a bag of anxiety. Then our sweet young lady gave the backhanded wave "good-bye" without even making eye contact and we knew she'd be okay. We've reached plateaus at each stage that we become comfortable in, only to be thrown out of our comfort zone with the next stage. Each new defining event brings with it new worries, questions, and decision to make about being strong verses being an overprotective parent.
   So it the question around letting your children go is, how strong are you? I don't believe we can hang on to them forever, but I also border on the paranoid. It's all about the next phase in life. From what I gather, I'm at level 7 of 1,347,923. Thus, as a father, I face my future as a parent with mixed emotions.
   I welcome any thoughts or advice that might sooth my soul. Until then, I shall continue pacing until I'm comfortable with whatever phase I'm in that has me biting nails and shuffling about.

J. 

Walking With Angels

 

"There's nothing quite so sweet as tiny little baby feet." - Unknown

 

   Our Wee Lass is now walking and things have gotten quite interesting once again in our home. Furniture corners seem like death traps, my back aches from being used as a walker, and we're all on constant monitoring duty. The Wife and I have been reminded how little we get done when our little butter-bean is awake these days. It really takes all of our time when she's up. Now that she's walking, she's more into things than ever before. We find that she'll go from the bathroom, to the garbage can, to the stairs, to the crockery cabinet,.....all in rounds that keeps us on our toes. (....sigh....)

 

   We get so excited for each new phase our little ones reach. I truly believe that most of us do not wish away any of the precious time. There were enough friends and family in our lives before we had children, telling us the folly of being to eager for the next step in our children's lives. That being said to us more than once, we were more prepared to enjoy each phase. Having said that, I'll admit that we were throwing bags full of pennies into the wishing well with our 'Lil Man. That kid was into EVERYTHING, and we're still pulling our hair out with him. It takes a lot of patience, with some more than others, to slow down the pace and really absorb what is happening in life. Case in point, the videos we watch with our oldest. As she watches herself in amazement, The Wife and I can't believe our eyes when we see that same girl as a baby, then toddler, and so on. We ask ourselves if we appreciated the moments as much as we could, and then use those discussions to guide us day by day.

 

   Now don't let me get all sappy on 'ya. Just today, we were out front working on projects, and our Wee Lass was getting antsy in the Pack-n-Play. I slapped her little shoes on and took her for a walk, because I'm a great dad. Yeah,.....not so much. I was back up the driveway and placed her right back in her prison within minutes. In no time at all, she had gone after rabbit poo, chewed gum, a dead beetle, and a sand based trail with her little hands.

 

   I realize that while I AM walking with angels, I'm bound to "step in it" every once in a while. Keep both in mind, and expectations will remain high, but not too lofty that it comes crashing down on you. Enjoy the moments as best you can. I'm still just in the beginning, and I can already see it flying by. We all need to try to slow it down once in a while, as in not time, they'll be off to run into the street or something that'll give you another heart attack.

 

J. 



I See The World Through Parental Eyes

"The one thing about being a parent is the ability to be selfless:
To give up the things you want and need for the benefit of someone else."
- Danny McBride

   I always thought I was a selfless person. I looked out for the underdog, included the left out kid, and so on. Once I was married, it became painfully apparent that I was anything but selfless. The Wife and I didn't start having children until the 7th year of marriage, giving me plenty of time to work on becoming more selfless (and yes, I was working on it that ENTIRE time). Once we had our first, the slow shift took place to where I was needing to put others first as a rule. Now that we're at three little ones, what we want as parents is irrelevant,.....period. 

   The above image is of a small amount of convention swag that I picked up recently. As I performed my day to day, shaking hands and kissing babies, I noticed something. I was peering around, wondering what kind of gear my kids might like. Squishy characters? Done. Cool looking pens? Got it. LED keyring flashlights? Grab two!!! I found that I became more excited about getting home by the minute and was jumping out of my skin as I drove up to the house. It was mildly ceremonious, as I had them sit on the bench by our shoe basket. I pulled out each pair of new treat one by one. They were as excited as I was, and it felt like a mission accomplished. 

   I remember how exciting it was to get some sort of treat or toy from my father when he came back from a trip or convention. It was new and exciting, but most of all, I remember it made me feel good to know he was thinking about me. I play up how much I think of them during the day. They know that I miss them, think of them, speak of them, and so on. Where I used to just think of myself during the daily routine, I now see the world through parental eyes. I don't know when and if that will change, but as the quote at the top says, I find great pride in "giving up things I want and need for the benefit of someone else". Especially the ones that make me feel like a rock star when I walk through the front door. 

J. 

It Takes A Village To Raise A Child

   Sometimes as a working father, I miss some of the politics that occur within our neighborhood while I'm away. However, while we're out front in the evenings and weekends, I get to see all the goings on of our little piece of America. We have around ten children of varying ages in our court. There are five that are around the same age, and all of them are girls. The stereotype can sometimes be justified in that 4 of the 5 are very type A personalities. We've found equilibrium amongst each other as neighbors, and trust each other's judgement for the basics of keeping children out of danger, from coming to blows, setting each other's hair on fire, and the like.

   We've noticed that one young girls in particular, is kind of out on her own most of the time. Her mother is a student, works full-time, and doesn't seem to have much patience with having a child. The father is a stay-at-home-dad that does very little. The sweet young girl goes to school with messy hair, clothes worn day in a row, and so on. Both parents take immaculate care of themselves, but little is done for their daughter outside the basics. For whatever the reason, these are some of the things that we've seen as her neighborhood group.

   One of The Wife's new friends is a neighbor who lives next door to the girl in question. The two women have more or less taken on the role within the "it takes a village" saying. Both of our households have fed her when she's skipped meal. Both women have taken turns doing her hair during summer mornings and already this school year. They've encouraged good behavior, gave praise where it was deserved as well as needed, and so on. Both remember having heard stories of children growing up to be wonderful adults, only to have them look back and thank a family other than their own for showing them the right way. I see that in the way these ladies give unconditional love for one that is not their own. The patience and kindness are aimed solely at the child. In their eyes, the young girl doesn't deserve to be ignored the way she appears to be, and have done everything they can thus far to step in and offer help.

   Everyone has their own set of circumstances. We try to remain respectful while keeping an eye on everyone's safety. The experience has shown the true colors of some wonderful women and it teaches me daily to live a life of love and positivity.

My Child Just Used The Word Popular

"Avoid popularity if you would have peace." - Abraham Lincoln

   In the last 24 hours, both The Wife and I have heard our 'Lil Miss use the word "popular" for the first time. We know that she's 7, and innocence cannot last forever, but this felt like the first step in that direction. I'm aware that this is the tip of the giant iceberg of lost innocence. I thought it relevant to discuss this one specifically. 

   Until now, my 'Lil Miss has been quite happy with playing with whomever was interested in joining her. In the neighborhood and the park, it never mattered if you were a boy or girl, black or white, tall or short, or so on. Play was play, for playing sake. I only really saw a problem after her play friends had to leave or go back inside for dinner. It's an innocence to the parts of society that The Wife and I hoped would last forever, but could never do so. We all face the social aspect of our society, and we all grow up through those experiences. Is it bad that I have anxiety about my children facing it?
   My 'Lil Miss, who's only worry has been "Will there be someone to play with?", is now worrying if she's popular enough to be played with. The Wife took her to school a few days back and said go play with so-n-so on the playground. 'Lil Miss replied with a slightly sad voice, "She usually already has someone to play with because she's so popular." This is NOT a phrase I wanted to hear this early. It feels like we've come so far with how we treat each other as people, yet have so far to go. There's so much that is out of our control as parents. I can teach my child to include others, share, be nice, and so on. Yet I send her to school and she comes home with new phrases, tattling, back talk, and so forth. It's enough to want to home school.
   Yet, it's a rite of passage. The only way to build callouses is to go through the initial hard work discomfort and pain. It's just that sometimes I'm not a fan of the result of this process. I've known a few individuals that are not as pleasant to be around as adults compared to how they were as youth. The world is a difficult place to live. I don't want to overprotect, as that would not prepare my children for life. I also don't want them to be overexposed, as that can harden a person to the point of cynicism and such. We as parents in our home try to keep communication lines open, and stay involved with the lives of our little ones. It's all I can do for now.
   What are your thoughts about the bridges our children cross? How do you deal with it?

J. 

Finding The Energy For Parents

"Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!" - Steven Wright

   I had a conversation with a fellow dad, and the topic of our energy levels as parents came up. While it was said the you gain so much as a mother or father, energy is NOT one of them. Heck, I'm crafting this thoughtful post on less than 5 hours of sleep from last night's CryFest 2013. TWO of my three kids up into the wee hours my good people! I was trying not to nod off on the long drive home from work. I feel like a Nintendo character, who's energy level is flashing in the red. I know we've ALL felt like this. Even my sister-in-law, who I thought was just one big ball of energy, has said it ain't so. It appears that finding the energy for parents is as mythical as the elusive unicorn or snipe. So in the great hunt for the fountain of youth, or in this case, energy that pales in comparison to the youth of America, what might we do to fix that and put more zip on our step?

Here are 5 suggestions: 

1. Sleep. Try to fit it in where you can, when you can. I'm now finding myself taking cat naps (I've always hated the term "power nap", as I do not wake up feeling like Captain America). I've even taken part of my lunch break at work to get refreshed. You may have to get creative and try something new, but it can be done. 

2. Eat better. The type of food you eat matters. The old "you are what you eat" rings true when I've had too much processed or fast food. We've been cooking at home a lot more for the past while, and we notice a difference in the way we feel. We DO need a break from that, as requested by the cook (a.k.a. The Wife) and we'll do something fast and cheap once or twice a week. 

3. Don't be the white rabbit. Managing time and effort on projects, errands, and other tasks will help. If you're all over the place without a plan, you'll burn through your daily energy allowance to quickly.

4. Do stuff for YOU. Our first several years as parents were an all inclusive focus on the kid. After our 'Lil Man came along, we realized we had nothing we were doing for ourselves. Now that Wee Lass is here, we make time for ourselves each day. Whether it be 10-15 minutes or more, we've both found that if we give ourselves time for a hobby or passion, we're more energized to do the ma & pa thing. 

5. Learn to let go. I've been called "high strung" for sometime now. Every battle was a war that had to be won. The Wife has mastered letting go recently and I'm working on it. If you realize you have young children, you might not worry so much about your house looking like a museum. Or you may not worry about EVERY scrap of food being cleared from the little one's plates. I once heard a saying that I use in jest. "Close enough for government work." 

   I've read a couple of lists that mimic what I think are the important ones. One just needs to take a look at their situation and make some minor changes to start. If they work, keep going. If not, go slower. We've been making some progress at The Cheeky House, so I'm living proof some of this stuff can work. Now if I can just feel like Captain America after my next nap!

J. 

Does Counting To Three Work?

“Do not train a child to learn by force or harshness; but direct them to it by what amuses their minds,
so that you may be better able to discover with accuracy the peculiar bent of the genius of each.”
- Plato

   Having your parent count to three seems like a rite of passage for all of us. Don't we all remember the famed "Two and a haaaaaaaaaalf!"? As I look back, I remember not doing a single thing about the threat at the count of one, or even two. I snapped to it at 2.5, 2 3/4 and 3. There are a few experiences around the concept of counting that I'd like to share for consideration. 

   When The wife and I were first married, we had a Great Dane that we took to a short obedience class. The instructor watched a young woman give her Husky a command over and over. The instructor told us of a man she met who's dog would obey his commands, after some work, only after he said it three times. See, the guy was giving the command twice before giving it a third time and MAKING the dog obey. Hence the result. 

   While we are not canines and neither are our children, I see the same thing in principle all the time. I have seen parents close to me count to three many, MANY times, with no result. It's clear that without enforcing the rule, it's lost its effectiveness. I've read a few articles written by psychologists and child behavior experts and it's clear that counting to three may not be the best choice. While The Wife and I have used it out of tradition and lack of knowledge of other tactics, we ARE looking at alternatives, since it doesn't seem to be the best solution for our kids specifically. 

   The discussion with our little ones has recently been about choices. Our 'Lil Miss is old enough to get the concept, and our 'Lil Man is getting there. The more we discuss "making good choices/decisions", the more we get away from counting to three. It' not a cold turkey thing, but we're making the transition. Now we ask for a task to be done, and can give the consequence of not making a good choice. It seems to be working, and I'm not counting to three,...again.
   Everyone has a different style. I'm interested in yours. Please let me know what you're doing that works. Please? Don't make me count to three!

J. 

Time To Baby Proof The House

"Danger gleams like sunshine to a brave man's eyes." - Euripides

   Recently, our Wee Lass made the jump to light speed,...I mean crawling. Doesn't it feel like hyperspace when you realize the amount of debris out there for you little ones to get into? One day she was doing baby yoga and remaining stationary. The next day she was army crawling toward what she wanted. By day three, she had the crawl down and was off to get into all kinds of hijinks. With the two older ones laying out toy and food "breadcrumbs", Wee Lass just follows them to certain danger. Thus it's time to baby proof. 

   I'd like to be open and transparent and admit that I suggested to the wife that we invest in the baby fighting octagon (you know, like the Summer Infant Secure Surround Play Safe Play Yard. Boy that's a mouthful). After referring to it as Thunderdome and chanting "two babies enter, one baby leaves!" I was vetoed for the manual version. That is me taking my turn running interference and ensuring there's no unauthorized ingestion of foreign contaminants. We've done the electrical outlet safety plugs, cabinet locks, etc. It's all worked. There's one or two things we've learned after the first two. 

   Leave one of the lowest drawers or cabinets unlocked and fill it with the tupperware. It gives them something to get into without being as bad as a pit of snakes. Clean up seventeen times a day will get old, but it worked for us. Also, baby proofing is not a baby proof solution. Our 'Lil Man was a freakin' Houdini. It was like, how'd he get THAT open? Depending on your child, the baby proofing stuff will either work like a Harry Potter charm (en-lockium totalius!!!), or it will only act as a temporary deterrent until the child figures out how to get the goods. 

   Yes, we've found that when it is time to baby proof the house, a collective sigh is expressed throughout the home. It's a necessary task, for the greater good. Even then, they will get into stuff and even hurt themselves. My little sprogs are proof of that. So wish me luck, and same back at 'ya. Now where's my screwdriver? 

J. 

Multitasking With Children

 

"Multi-tasking arises out of distraction itself." - Marilyn vos Savant

 

   Over the weekend I was fortunate enough to get to some projects moved along. The Wife and I have found a decent balance so that we both get some time for ourselves. That being said, we also sometimes are so into our projects, that it's hard to stop once on a roll. Case in point: this weekend's art project.

   I've recently had a good start on some wood pallet art on my small but growing Etsy shop. The only issue I've had is "the zone". You see, "the zone" is that place you go when you're SO into the project at hand that you lose track of time and block out everything else. Let's just say, it's tough watching my older two out front when I'm in the garage and "the zone" hits while working on a project.

   So Saturday afternoon, The Wife has a make an Easter run, and I'm watching the two older sprogs out front, Wee Lass asleep in her crib. Halfway through a wood pallet piece (Pictured above, and please excuse the mess. Artist on board.), the baby wakes up and I have to make a decision. Pack it in, or multitask. Que the Ergo Baby and we're back in business! At first she was looking up at me, staring me in the eye with amazement and wonder. Oh, if only all the girls did that. Then she watching me paint like "awwwweee, yeahhhh,..now THAT'S a mess I can get on board with!" By the time she'd had enough, The Wife was home and took over while I finished the piece.

   Not every opportunity is suitable for multitasking with children. There are a few that work out seamlessly and I found one this weekend. Granted, I'm still looking for the other two kids (KIDDING!). Actually, The Wife and I have noticed that the kids are into projects more, now that they've seen us in action working on the art pieces and Oreo Pops. So I guess it's rubbing off on them.

   I wonder if any one's had similar experiences. I'm always on the hunt for ways to pull of more in the same amount of time. Ideas?

 

J.

Sleep Overs

"Little girls are cute and small only to adults.
To one another they are not cute. They are life-sized." - Margaret Atwood

   Tonight marks our second attempt at a sleepover. The first one went smooth and this one so far is going well. They played into the evening, had a good dinner, and then we all went crazy on building our frozen yogurts. A little television and then jammy time before we sent them off to the big bed on the floor. As pictured above, they needed some story time. When our 'Lil Miss's friend went to the restroom, The Wife crawled over to lay next to our sweet girl. Our sweet girl got all embarrassed and shyly pushed The Wife away exclaiming in a quiet voice, "Mommy, go! She coming back!" 

   You spend so much time being there for them when they need you, it comes as a bit of a shock when they're embarrassed by you. It was all in sweet fun, so there was no real harm done. More of a cute observation to see her trying to be so independent. She's 7YO, so if this is the tip of the iceberg,....then "ICEBURGGGGGG AHEEEAAAADDD!!!" No, really. Next is what, dropping her off at the corner for her to walk the rest of the way to school? I realize that the time is here to give my firstborn a little more independence. I don't want her clinging to us or anything (well,....uhhh, do I have to make that statement now?). So we judiciously choose which scenarios to incorporate a bit more freedom. She's not running errands to the store across the major intersection yet, but we've seen opportunity to try in different circumstances. 

   That's it then. What my mother went through when I finally was out of her hands. College, abroad, and such. She spent all those years guarding, protecting, teaching, and then trying to let go. I asked her recently when it ended for her. Her response could have been predicted by a stranger. "It still hasn't", was her reply. 

   And so it begins...

J. 

Work & Family Balance Is A Dad Issue Too

"Today's involved dads are setting such high standards for themselves that even though, by all measures, they are more involved than the last generation's dads, they still want to do more."
- Vinent DiCaro of the National Fatherhood Initiative

   The above quote was part of an article in Parenting magazine March 15, by Brian Braiker. (thanks to Fatherhood.org for the original Twitter post). It took a look at a study published Thursday, March 14 by the Pew Research Center. The study can be found here, and is worth a look. It compared how we view ourselves as parents now (2011) verses 1965. 

   

   The study includes mothers and fathers alike, but Brian's article asks a question specifically to us fathers. Can you have it all? Are you able to come home from work and give the rest of yourself to you family as well. Can you be a stay-at-home-dad, and get the most out of your own personal goals as well? We're told that nearly half of us feel like we don't spend enough time with our kids. That's after tripling the amount of time we spend with them collectively in the past 40 years! 

   A handful of fathers I'm acquainted with have expressed their desire to do better than their fathers did. I know I've mentioned that me and my three brothers have VOWED to be better fathers. We're more involved in every aspect, show more affection, are move vocal with our love and praise, etc. It's clear that the work & family balance is a dad issue too. We've made it our business, and we're trying to work it out. It's clear by the study that we truly are not happy with our performance, even with our great strides for the better. Like with anything we work at in life, trying is the first step. We'll get better along the way. Stay strong dads. We're needed more than ever. 

J. 

When There's Big Shoes To Fill

“You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.” - Ethel Barrymore

   Don't we all have BIG shoes to fill at some point? It seems like yesterday that I was the kid. After spending the weekend with my own three sprogs, it's clear that I've filled the shoes that I used to try on for size. I'm in the midst of trying not to feel the pangs of shame of the job that I'm not doing, in hopes that I'll try harder to a better one. As I make decisions, mistakes, and the occasional win, I look back at what I remember of my parents. Providing the essentials was a given, but that's not enough. 

   The lessons in becoming a husband and father came from several members of my family. My mother was first and foremost in teaching me what a man should be. Her approach was the most direct and formal. Opening doors, paying bills, planning lessons, being ON TIME, etc. She taught me to sew a button, iron my shirt, laundry, basic cooking, and so forth. I learned COUNTLESS lessons about life, and for that I'm forever grateful. Yet, who was to teach me to be the man? I found the lessons all around me. Teachers, coaches, church and scout leaders all contributed. What about the family? 

   My father taught me to leave everything,...everything, better than you found it. My grandfather taught me that with a great product and even better customer service, you couldn't go wrong. My older brother taught me that even with all the wicked of the world the swirls around us, you can decide who YOU want to be, and that should be good enough for everyone else. My uncle taught me unconditional love to your children. My step-father taught me how to treat a woman and wife. 

   So ask yourself, what kind of shoes are you filling? As I move along in life, I sometimes ask what type of shoes am I leaving behind to be filled? This helps guide me bit as I stumble, fall, pick myself up, and try again. The effort needs to be there. The conscious decisions we make to be better men, fathers, husbands, and humans. 

Just remember fellas, as Shang sang in Disney's Mulan, "Be a man..."

Later guys, 

J. 

Communicating With Your Children

 

"Anyone who thinks the art of conversation is dead

ought to tell a child to go to bed."  - Robert Gallagher

 

   Whenever it's bedtime, my kids turn into Tom Cruise in A Few Good Men. They prepare their arguments well, and get me to say ANYTHING. While I know the standard "because I said so" closes the case quickly, it leaves to many unanswered questions, and my kids want answers, nay, THEY WANT THE TRUTH.

   But alas, they can't handle the truth. They're children! Communication is not programmed into them from birth. So without help, they can be cavemen running around in full diapers grunting for food (I've seen it, so don't roll your eyes). It is our responsibility as parents to help them learn to communicate. Remember the line from Shrek, "It talks!" Shrek replies, "Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick!" It seems like we spend SO much time teaching out little ones to talk, and then they never stop. It also seems like talking is not completely communicating.

   Our 'Lil Miss is now 7 and needs an explanation for all things that do not go her way. We've been explaining how things work in social, medical and other type of situations. I thank my mother for taking the time to do the same for me, as it shapes your view of the world and how you engage it. Our

'Lil Man is now 3 and a much different case to review. He's still getting that rules actually exist, and is trying to figure out which ones are the serious ones (verses the ones that DON'T put him in time-out).

   As we look to get the most out of our relationships I urge us all to take more time thinking about what and how we're teaching our children about communicating. It's been the backbone of my marriage and it's success to date. Take the time as a family to talk. Also take the time one on one with each of your children. I've seen middle children fall through the cracks in large families. I've seen the eldest weighed down with too much expectation, just for being the oldest. It's our job. We signed up for it. My father always taught me to leave things better than you found them, and our children are no different.

 

J.