(photo courtesy of www.smartertravel.com)
Server to my friend: "Sir, the Ultimate Dessert is intended for 2-3 people"
Me: "Dude, he IS 2-3 people"
TGI Friday's, Southwest England, 1994
I was at my local Cold Stone Creamery last night and asked them if their forearms hurt after a long day, hand scooping all those orders. The one kid came back with, "Only when they order one of those." He motioned to a half gallon tub, that was clearly meant for a hand-packed dessert that included any number of toppings,...hand-mixed in. At first I thought about their poor arms, and then I thought "Murica!" That's right, the fun new of letting people know "that's how we do it,...in 'MURICA!" It reminded me of a classic American experience when I was in England around February of 1994. STORY TIME!
It was me and three buddies, two were pretty much cowboys from Utah, and the third a smaller fella. The bigger of the cowboys took us all out for dinner at a local TGI Friday's dinner for passing his driving test for an American experience abroad. The meal was average, but the dessert menu caught our eye. Our server came over. He was a tall, slender, young guy, who was happy we were there in a mostly empty restaurant. He asked what we'd like for dessert and the conversation went something like this:
Cowboy 1: "Tell me about this Ultimate dessert"
Server: "Oh, that's a popular one. It's three large scoops of ice cream. Vanilla, chocolate and strawberry. We then load it with chocolate, caramel, and raspberry sauce. Then we stick a banana at each end, top that with whipped cream, nuts, a large brownie, and a full sized chocolate bar."
Cowboy 1: "That's sound GOOD! I'll have one."
Server: (incredulously) "Sir, the Ultimate Dessert is intended for 2-3 people."
Me: "Dude, he IS 2-3 people!"
Server: "Okay then. Sir what about you?"
Cowboy 2: "Yeah, that does sound good. One Ultimate dessert for me too."
Server: (blank stare, eyes widen, writes down order, looks to our smaller friend) "And you sir?"
Smaller Friend: "Vanilla milkshake."
Server: (to me) "And for you?"
Me: "That cheesecake looks good. I'll have that."
Cowboy 1 & 2: "Wimp! Loser! Chicken! You're not an American" (etc., etc.)
Me: (slam my fist on the table) "FINE! THREE ULTIMATES!"
Server: (nearly passes out, eyes the size of dinner plates, quietly utters...) "I'll go see if we have enough to make all those."
We destroyed those desserts, and proved why the world thinks we're gluttonous pigs. We were all around 19-20 years old and still able to eat whatever we wanted. Thems were the days, yeah? So in honor of all that have served on this coming Memorial Day weekend,...'MURICA! Bring me three Ultimate desserts!!!