Saturday, April 13, 2013

When Fathers Dress Their Children

 
"The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard." - Steven Wright
 
   How is that we guys can roll out of bed, throw on yesterday's clothes in seconds, and be out the door in no time, yet at times we can't figure out which end is up with our kid's clothes? Sometimes if feels like I'm trying to figure out a Rubik's Cube, or at least like The Riddler is having a good laugh at my expense.
 
   Story time! When my father had a daughter later in life, he was pretty proud to bounce her on his knee and carry her around. His responsibilities were limited, as he admitted of himself, "I'm not really sure what to do with little ones." One visit to his place in the early months proved him right. The Wife and I were looking at my baby half-sister when I heard a giggle from my better half. I didn't notice anything, but remember, I'm a guy. If the nudity is covered, we're good, right? NOPE. The little wee one's shirt was on inside-out, backwards, with the tag up 'n out tickling her throat. When my dad asked "What's so funny?", The Wife could barely get the words out for the laughter. I was holding back my own laughter to protect my fellow man, but also 'cuz my father gets embarrassed and pissed off pretty quick. When he realized what he'd done, I saw his jaw muscles tense before he tried to calmly fixed the error.
 
   I know we've all done something similar, especially if we're not the primary care giver. The Wife never seems to make that mistake and my fellow dads that have the honor of being a stay-home probably have fewer issues than I do, I'm sure. No doubt, the less experienced were kept in mind when the "this end up" onesie was offered on CafePress.com. I think it prudent that when fathers dress their children, they shouldn't be watching the big game, reading their favorite magazine, or having an in depth conversation with anyone. Else they be subject to the mock and scorn of our counterparts. I for one will follow the "Measure twice, cut once" man code when I try to dress my kids. Smaller room for error, so they say.

J.

6 comments:

  1. Jason,

    I have said and written more than once that children's clothing needs to come with an instruction manuals! I will take the honor of putting overall on backwords, shoes on the wrong feet and mismatched socks....

    Honestly, after some of my errors I am not sure I am qualifies to dress myself....

    Aaron Brinker aka DadBlunders

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    1. Brother, I gave up dressing myself rights when I married The Wife. Whenever I dress my kids, I get the patronizing head tilt combined with something like, "Awe, did they dress themselves?" NO! I did it! Grrrr...

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  2. This is too true! Whenever my husband has the task of dressing the children, I pre select outfits and put them in separate piles next to the corresponding child's bed (else I'd have my 5 year old wearing my 2 year old's t shirts), and I always ensure I choose the simplest clothes possible, usually slogan tops, you can't go wrong there!

    Funny story, I asked my husband to bring some clean pjs down for our youngest the other day and he had to ask which chest of drawers were his! That's how often I allow him the responsibility ;-)

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    1. I love the term "allow" him the responsibility. Whether the significant other is working or just no a part of that process by choice, I know we can all try more. I'm getting to the point where I can take them out on a Saturday and not be embarrassed. I've even been known to dress the kids for church. No to toot my own horn, but I can brush out, shampoo, condition, dry, blow dry, brush/comb out again, and do an simple style on my 'Lil Miss's hair. It's about halfway down her back, so I consider that a HUGE plus in my column, yeah?

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  3. I have to give my husband props for doing Ok with dressing our girls, but the hair is a whole other beast. He will fully admit to my girls that they better let their mother do their hair, because he doesn't know what he is doing in that area not one bit!! Poor guy tried and failed miserably, so now the hair is my soul duty!! :)

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  4. My husband is a terrible dresser of our kids but at least they do have clothes on!

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